No longer an autumn leaf

When everything has been said and done, and the past has become past indeed, she had to have this stand with herself, to close this door and lock it well, to step outside and learn to live again. Despite her feeling of coldness, inside out, she went for a walk on her own. In the deserted roads of the holidays, so early in the morning, there she walked, as fragile as can be. It was ok to be fragile, one last time, she said to herself. One last time, just one last time. She laid her wound open, confronted herself with all the bitter realities. She went through the memories again one last time without them fooling her again; she started seeing things for what they are. She kept on talking and talking to the Kind Lord, not ashamed of her weakness, not ashamed of the cruelty of the pain, or its givers. Oh my Lord, I've been hurt, I've been treated with injustice, they have wronged me… Oh my Lord.

Autumn left its mark on the streets; brutal, cold, and unrelenting. She walked on with her head down, looking at the yellow leaves lying helpless on the ground. A sudden blow of air disturbed their lifeless peace, swiping them violently and mercilessly. She felt as fragile, as helpless as they were. The wind struck her as hard. As she pulled her coat tightly around, almost hugging the emptiness inside, her eyes welled with tears, silently revolting against the unkind wind, blowing her away without her will. No… easy on me. Don't hurt me.

She moved away, determined not to be an autumn prey. Won't be crushed by pain. It is solemn; it is permissible to be wronged, to go unappreciated. It happens in life, people can sometimes meet beauty with ugliness, it happens. People do lose their hearts without noticing, it happens. Dreams fade away, and promises go unhonoured, it does happen. It is only human to acknowledge one's pain, and know that it is ok; it is not here to stay.

As seasons change, it is time to step out of the coldness, to leave whatever lies behind, to stand tall, and go by. Looking ahead towards the open horizon, with her somber dignity, having a little spark of a broken smile, almost feeling the light that lies ahead, she walked on. Knowing that she has been heard, she walked on. Locking the door of the poisoned past, she almost felt alive again. She started to collect her precious pieces back; it is time to be whole again. Her eyes are not used to the light, just yet. But she is not in a hurry. It is time to enjoy every definite step, into the sun.