Behind every face!

A touching video sent to me by a sweet, sweet soul.

Oh how we never see beyond our own concerns and what a blessing it would be to unravel the stories behind every face. Oh how lonely and confined we are in our own worlds and how warm human gestures relieve so many pains. It is simply what being human is all about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeXxkbgCVE

Watch it and let the tears flow.

Numb!

It is a weird feeling, of no feeling basically. I do not need, miss or love any more. I simply prefer to be on my own, confined to what I know sometimes and trying to get by without upsetting anyone as much as I can. It could be because I know how much pain the three feelings above put you through that I decided to throw the baby with the bath water. It could also be that the concept of "feeling" is much rediculed in a world of moving on, practicality and priorities, that I have discarded the whole concept. I don't know. The problem is that I am and have always been a bundle of feelings and this no man's land that I am in is leaving me lost. It feels like something is missing from the picture. The days are going by, goals are reached, almost, and feelings are pushed aside. It is like I am waiting for a friendly face to rekindle the human being in me. Was walking by in my new neighbourhood the other day and greeted back the nice couple that came my way and left me thinking. How would it be like if I have friends again, like a company maybe that I can sit with and maybe laugh again? Am I able to give again; or for that matter take? Is being numb a mere state to cope with what I could not cope with otherwise, or is it a new reality?

Days will tell.

The Stories

Raining cats and dogs outside, a true sign of spring here, and the clouds are thick and heavy. But, do I care? Nope! I somehow enjoy the day light that tells me that the sun is still there somewhere waiting to shine with its pristine smile again. But rain or shine, I have had some time for myself today at last after grueling weeks of packing and unpacking that preceded and followed moving to a new place. Moving is indeed a tricky business. Take aside the gnawing state of instability, the complete mess and the immense physical effort needed, that left me feeling cheated when I was not fit at all for the that marathon, it is the sorting that drains you most. That was the third time for me to pack and move in the six years I have spent in Canada. But the first two times followed a ten-month stay only. This time, on the other hand, it followed 4 years! It is overwhelming to dig up stuff you put away to read later that end up untouched for years, the pile of small broken appliances that you wished to fix one day, the clothes and toys that the kids have outgrown, and the list goes on. But it is the memories that come along with everything that do stop you every now and then to think and remember. It is like John Grisham puts it, “Everything I touched brought by a story with it.” I went through my papers to decide what to shred and what to keep and a warm whiff of reminiscence took me back to friends I have not seen in a long while and ones that I may never see again. Sweet words of endearment that left me pondering on the whereabouts of those people and whether they have changed. Beautiful cards that kept me grateful to those who simply thought of me. Old pictures of myself that display an array of expressions reflecting how the character evolved as responsibilities changed and perspectives progressed. Art crafts the kids made that I saved and used to keep on the fridge for them to see how I appreciated them. Old memoirs with goals I am yet to attain and potentials I have finally met. Worn-out books that accompanied me through long nights of studying and frustrations. Bitter-sweet memories and many many stories.

Like Mommy...

Dear Mom,

Mom, you're as sweet as sugar. You smell like spring flowers.

You look so beautiful. I love when you touch me with your gentle touch.

You stand up for me when I need you and I'll always need you.

Love,
Your daughter

My daughter's own sweet sweet words in a cute letter that came in a neat bag with a mother's day present she made with her own hands . A kind pat on the shoulder on a day I found no reason to get up from bed for. Just when I thought that no one is there, just when I thought that no one cares, just when I saw myself as I always do, I found that someone that close can still call me sweet, gentle or beautiful. And the beauty of her word! Ahh, a writer in the making.

Under My Skin

I need someone to explain to me why this song just won't be shaken off my head. Heard it by chance in a commercial and because I have known it all along it has been buzzing in my head for days now! This is a pure case of admiration of the mere song, mind you, the lyrics, the performance, the soft jazz, yet there is no one that I relate this song to. Yeah, that weakness I have is endless when it comes to the blues and soft jazz I know. You just cannot help closing your eyes and delving deep in that world of beauty once that lady starts. It's under my skin I guess.