The Glow

It is a cold grey day… walking alone in unfamiliar streets, looking around into the eyes of strangers to find no glow. I am tired, I feel so cold. The colourless sky matches my gloominess and emptiness of heart. I still have an hour to spend on my own before I go to another sad endeavor that will lead me nowhere brighter. Oh how heavy it is to wait for something you know it will hurt. Seeking refuge in this café might help a little; I went directly to the desolate corner that suits my solitude.

It is warm inside, compared to the cold loneliness outside. The guitar playing knew exactly what to say; heartrending tones moaning gently and in dignity. I felt safer inside, away from the crowd of unappreciative strangers passing by swiftly.

I sat in front of the corner window. It was a table for four, I placed my things on one chair, left one unnoticed and faced the last empty chair where someone should have occupied. I ordered my favorite hot drink and asked for a magazine to hide in. Somehow my cup came alone, without the magazine, forcing me to hide elsewhere.

In the nearest table occupied, sat a beautiful couple. I was able to see the face of the girl, while her man gave me his back. She was a gentle soul, her face showed how delicate she is, while her eyes spoke to him in tender passion. She had beautiful small hands playing with the curls of her neck scarf. Their generous glow reached out to me, lending me some of the warmth of their company.

My eyes strayed outside the window. The hostile truth started to surround me; I am alone here. I am sad, cold, and ill. My heart is heavy with anticipation. I can no longer see anyone sitting in the empty chair in front of me. Holding my cup with both hands, hiding most of my face behind it, I looked away. I looked into the faces of every single person passing by, imaging what they say and where they are going, seeing only one episode of long stories that started long ago and which I won't be able to continue. I wanted to connect with them, dissolve in them, to be felt and noticed. I do not want to be alone, I am so fragile, my lonely heart is about to break.

I kept on looking… a lady came and parked her car in a nasty way in front of my window, she left the car in a hurry and held her daughter's hand and disappeared after a few steps. Cars kept on turning around the corner with different faces. No one noticed I was looking at them. A taxi came along, with one passenger on board. A young man was sitting beside the driver, he was like me looking away. He looked at the café, his eyes first fell on the joyous couple in the distant table, and kept on moving towards me. I thought at first that no one can see through the glass from outside, and that I cannot be seen. But he looked directly into my eyes, and smiled. I looked around to see who he is smiling at, but to my surprise, it was me. I felt like I've seen a friend. His gentle smile could easily see through my lonely heart. I could not believe he could really see me and feel my sorrow. He raised his hand and waved goodbye as the taxi went away. I put down my cup and smiled at my friend who was leaving.

I stayed a while longer in the café, with a persistent smile on my face, full of warmth and glow. I stopped seeing the empty chair in front of me. I went out confidently, capable of facing the coldness outside. I looked around at the lonely people passing by, seeing how cold they are. I wished that my inner glow could reach out to them, to lend them some of the warmth of my company.